Writing Sex Scenes

When you’re working with a romance subplot in a fantastical universe, it is entirely probable that you will run into the questions that many writers face when creating a believable relationship.

Should I incorporate a sex scene? Where is it appropriate and where is it not? How do I create something that’s going to flow well and not sound absolutely ridiculous?

Despite my age, I’ve had a decent amount of run-ins with sex in literature, and I can absolutely tell when something sounds good and when it sounds like the author is trying way too hard. Or sometimes not enough. If done right, it can add a fiery or finessed detail to your character relationships that can allow one or more to develop and change. Sex means a great many things to a lot of different people. Just as people navigate those meanings in reality, your characters can have the opportunity to explore them on the pages of your novel. Here are some tips and tricks to help you create the perfect sensual moment.

Tip #1: Make sure your scene fits your audience.

Sex in middle grade novels is never acceptable. Let’s get that tidbit out of the way first. Easy enough to remember. When it comes to young adult vs. adult, the lines begin to blur a bit. Some prefer YA books to have more sublte sex scenes that consist of maybe a few lines to get the point across or enough language in a longer scene that it’s not incredibly explicit. Others don’t care if YA has more explicit sex scenes. Adult books can usually run the gamut including tipping into the heavier, way too much for YA kind of explicit.

Tip #2: Keep it real.

Please please please. Keep your sex scenes real. Don’t come up with ridiculous positions that would put obvious physical strain on any characters. Keep your timeline of initiation to foreplay to penetration realistic. But at the same time, don’t feel like you have to be stereotypical. Every couple has their own process and their own style of having sex, even if they have just met and it’s a quick hookup.

If you’ve got a spouse or are in a long-term relationship, try out your scene in the bedroom! Draw inspiration from your sex life. If this isn’t your thing, fanfiction is your friend. Searching your favorite pairings from books, TV shows, or movies in some of the most popular fanfiction platforms (fanfiction.net, archiveofourown.org, etc.) can yield some fantastic steamy stories. You can find one-shots to short chaptered stories to full length manuscripts. Trust me, you can INSTANTLY tell the difference between well written scenes with any kink you can imagineĀ and absolutely horrible prose. And I mean, horrible. Scar you for life kind of horrible writing.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Tip #3: Use the right langague.

“His engorged member” is not the right language to use.

Why, why do writers choose to embellish body anatomy and sexual acts with ridiculous words that when put together, conjure some very weird mental images?

Just tell it like it is. Don’t excessively embellish your descriptions. Point A to Point B can be communicated with detail without being flowery and ultimately, unrealistic.

Have fun with it!

Happy writing!